New Year, Same Me

Ok, I’ll admit it. I’m nervous. New Year, new me, right? But what if I’m kinda finally liking myself and where I’m at? Then what?

I keep reading posts and articles about resolutions. All those lists I used to make ended up being set-ups for failure. It was like when I would buy those beautiful, fancy day planners- the ones that come with matchy-matchy stickers and clips and omg I loved all of it. I was going to tear those suckers up and organize my life. Every after-school activity would be accounted for on every single day, color-coded for each kid. Birthdays would get written on proper days for all of my living relative regardless of when we’d last spoken and dammit I was sending them a card because I was organized and awesome now. I’d even schedule my trips to the grocery store and start a weekly time slot set aside for meal planning.

Bull. Shit. It never worked. Maybe it did for a couple of weeks, but those day planners caused me more anxiety than my “just wing it” attitude ever did. Only now, on top of everything else, I had to dig myself out of self-inflicted guilt and failure. Not to mention I had wasted fifty bucks.

That’s what New Year’s resolutions do to me. I wrap myself up in good-intentioned expectations and end up slapping myself across the face with them. I think I’m going to do these great things and then Boom! Huh, I’m still me. So last year I didn’t make a single one. Zero resolutions, even in my head. Lo and behold, it was an incredible year! Some things happened for me that were way outside the box of what I would have put on a list anyway. I decided to not be in charge so much, not try to control what I wanted my life to look like, and let someone else do it for me. Ohh, hang on- that sounds like faith…

He did so great I think I’ll trust Him to do it again. Yes, I’ll do things that scare the crap out of me, and yes, I will make mistakes. I doubt you’ll find me sweating my life out at the gym or deciding to cut out sugar and gluten, but who knows? (God, please don’t make it that). Happy New Year to everyone out there, even you organized, day-planner assholes. I love you, and yeah… God is so good.

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